I just can’t do another move right now. The thought of going through another move, so soon after moving to Paradise, moves me either to tears or flashes of anger.
I am getting burned out with being Mrs. Air Force always on the Move, always the Perpetual Newcomer.
This will be move #7 in 9 years and the constant move cycle with kids is not so much a fun adventure to me any more.
Add the fumbling of orders, the unexpectedness, the logistics, the decisions, the financial implications, the waiting, the unknown, the research. All of that together stresses me out. Does it and has it always worked out? Yes, of course. Have I always made the best of the situation and jumped right in to craft a life I love or at least can tolerate for the short amount of time we are there? Yes. But the stress of moving on repeat, despite the resources available and the camaraderie of military families, has taken its toll on me.
After Hubby and I settled into the idea of looming change, we took serious consideration of our next step. We usually embrace “Family first, no matter what.” We have never really given much thought to a self-imposed separation. Yet here we are, in a different stage of life, thinking about it. I told Hubby through clenched teeth that we had to at least see if temporary separation could be a real possibility; otherwise, I feared my resentment of another move would consume me. Sometimes, when it feels like 1 step forward and 2 steps back, it is hard to stay positive. After spinning my wheels here in Hawaii thinking about forward motion towards education & career goals as we fast approach retirement, I found it crushing to give it all up for the time being to start focusing on the logistics of a move with kids, a dog, and too much stuff.
What about online school? What about this? What about that? There are always options, but my point is that this requires a momentum shift and a lot more spinning of wheels to research different options. And let’s be real – I have limited energy as it is and it’s hard for me to find balance, much less scraping my original plans and start researching online opportunities while overseas.
Hubby and I asked questions. We crunched the numbers. We made a short-term plan for the upcoming school year. We applied for a waiver to stay in Hawaii.
With gratitude, I gladly report that our waiver has been approved!
HUGE sigh of relief.
I feel grounded now through the swirl and whirlwind of this move for my husband. It’s GO time in less than 4 weeks. He’s TDY, of course. He doesn’t have orders yet, of course. It’s our normal operating procedure, but this time I’m standing clear, supporting from the sidelines, and not in the middle of the crazy. I feel calm. For now.
Things change. All the time. Control what you can. Adjust your attitude to what you can’t. And when possible, put your foot down and say “Enough! I need a break from this.”
We will reevaluate our options next spring. In the meantime, our hospitality hotel in Hawaii reopens in July. Come visit!
p.s. I came across this quote today:
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist, that is all.” –Oscar Wilde