Hubby was notified last week of his next assignment–Hello Hawaii! (Is this for real?! I’m still in disbelief.)
I wish I was more excited about the upcoming move. We are going to Paradise, after all.
Yes, that’s right—Hawaii!
The military never fails to surprise us – even for this well-seasoned-but-getting-near-the-end military spouse. The assignment notification came last week–a complete and utterly incomprehensible-for-about-2-days surprise. Not once on our military journey together have the hubby and I dreamed about Hawaii. Based on his career progression, it never seemed like a realistic possibility. For goodness’ sakes, we were in the heart of Texas for 8 long years and we sure did a lot of dreaming…. about leaving! (Just kidding. We enjoyed our time there, but it’s not our first choice for our next assignment or our post-military/2nd career relocation when that time comes.)
Anyway, I digress. Hawaii. I mean, HAWAII! Really.
You’d think I’d be ecstatic. Jumping for joy. Delighted. Giggly even.
I will be, once I get there, with my feet in the sand, soaking in Paradise.
I know my lack of enthusiasm won’t elicit much sympathy because “Hello? It’s Hawaii.” Literally every friend I have shared the news has enough enthusiasm for the both of us. S/he doesn’t have to do the work of moving. To me, an OCONUS move seems like a complicated mess right now. I know, I know – I just have to take it one day at a time.
But dang, can’t I vent even a little?
My lack of enthusiasm stems from:
- I’m feeling anxious about an OCONUS move and its extra layers of bureaucracy, clearances, planning & organizing.
- I can’t do a post-move purge like I usually do as I unpack; and I don’t feel like I have much time to do the pre-move purge with my current commitment load.
- I have to give up my dream of DC/Northern Virginia.
- I am a planner and have been planning a glorious return to DC/Northern Virginia for months now. Yes, I entirely jumped the gun, but in my defense, all indications pointed to DC, as in this was the only location discussed with the Hubby and the Powers-that-be-aka-Assignment-gods.
- I know next to nothing about Hawaii. I have to immerse myself into researching housing and schools.
- We are trying to coordinate all of this while Hubby and I are geographically separated.
- I am concerned about travel and my aging parents. https://perpetualnewcomer.com/2015/10/27/the-downside-of-military-life-dealing-with-aging-parents-and-travel-limitations-for-the-holidays/
- I think I am mad and anxious about truly starting over in a new location. New places & faces. Friend dating again. I am a social person and usually enjoy meeting people and exploring, but my energy level doesn’t keep up as much these days. I really just wanted to return to my comfort zone in Virginia, where I could be myself and be accepted and reunite with old friends. Let’s face it – moving requires the positive attitude, the smile, and the nice persona for the chance encounter of making fast friendships. It’s about putting yourself out there, preferably a good version of yourself, to make those little connections that might lead to a friendship. Now I consider myself a kind, approachable person, and I have made good friends at each duty station (7 states and counting), but I haven’t always been able to be completely myself or to deeply bond either. Those type of friendships usually take time to develop. I think what’s wearing on me is the potential for the “lonely feeling” that comes with a move. Yes, I have the Hubby, but our need for socializing and how we handle moving are completely different.
- What are we going to do with our beloved geriatric dog?!
But are you thinking “It’s Hawaii! People pay good money for a week in Paradise. You get to live it for 2 whole years!”
Yes, I am so excited! (Once I get there.) Yes, I can hardly believe it. (I’ll believe it when I get there. Notice a theme?) In the meantime, I’m putting my head down, getting done what needs to get done, and taking it one day at a time. Breathe. I do not dare tempt Murphy’s Law (and we’ve already had one stress-maximizing, cash-hemorrhaging fiasco with our car last week just as all of this was going down.)
Here’s to perpetual flip flops, pedicures & casual wear. Start making your travel plans to mi casa. Aloha!
Update: As I looked at photos, I can feel resurfacing some of that boundless enthusiasm I usually have about moving, adventures, letting go and starting anew. I mean, it IS Hawaii, people! [Insert giggles of delight.] Having a small vent, acknowledging what’s bugging me and then moving on has been therapeutic.